Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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