I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
