I think im going to throw up on grandma
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
