Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My bed smells like the plague
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
