Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
