FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
