Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
