I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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