I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
