you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
