I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
wat bout pragnant strippers??
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
