Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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