Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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