9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
