It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
