you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
