As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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