Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
