that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
