She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
