Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
