the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
