did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
