Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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