I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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