i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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