she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
