Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
