I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
