i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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