all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
