I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
