i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
