I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my shit smells like andre
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize