my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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