benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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