I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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