Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
