he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
