I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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