That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
