so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
