NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
