I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
