You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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