I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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