So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
