i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
