So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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