Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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