friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
