Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
