in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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